You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
