I'm jealous of your bromance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
