I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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