The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
