I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
