Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
