There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
