Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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