I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize