I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
