I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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