I will die if light touches me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
