My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize