walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
