I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
