i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
