my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
