Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
