I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
