you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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