smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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