She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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