I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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