I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
