I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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