Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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