Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
