new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want her autograph on my taint
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
