lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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