I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize