There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize