A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
