Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
