you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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