Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
