Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
