im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
