Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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