I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
