Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
