I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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