I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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