This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think a kid would responsible me up
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
