Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
