other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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