hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
