Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize