he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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