Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
