i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
