pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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