It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
