shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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