They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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