P.S. I can't hear my feet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
