I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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