Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
