Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
