I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
