i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
