just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
