You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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