I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm both gender and math confused
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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