The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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