oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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