This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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