I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
