I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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