Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
