For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
