This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
