considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
