i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This baby is an asshole
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is classic penis vs brain.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
