He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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