TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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