let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
