Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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