all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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