Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
