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• (352): View more from Florida

  What are you doing?

  (352): View more from Florida

  High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...

  (352): View more from Florida

  That guy could sell me cancer.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Found your dick twin last night

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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• (850): View more from Florida

  That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover

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• (818): View more from California

  It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's important to play to your strengths.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!

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