If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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