omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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