Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
