I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
