Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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