Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
