My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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