i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
