Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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