I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As shirtless as possible
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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