I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
