i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize