I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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