what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
