I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
