Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
